2021 Scraps from the Loft. -Well, thats soaked in ham juice. You know what I mean You know what I mean, yeah. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up I dont understand what fleas do even. Cause Id like it to come out right. Its just so Im filled withanxiety when they come up to the table and they just come up and: And thelady will have? I get out of the tub and Batu hadforgotten to put the towel next to thetub. The place with all the words? [crowd laughs] I gotta get the fuck out of here. Why? In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. No, but Ive dined in other places before. Andy Lassner: (01:15) They So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Im And Im kind, Im a good person. I journaled and I wrote poetry. Id like to speak to the manager. He was using me as bait, hoping that Charlton would go: Oh, cute little girl. And come over,you know. Ive seen that in the brochure, and Ill bring a poncho in case theres a bonfire on the beach. Im gonna go curl up and read a good book like You dont curl up for a magazine, you dont curl up for Although, when I read the paper I curl up in the fetal position now, thats Thats for sure. Theres a key and you dont know what its to. You know, how people are, and I said: I gotta get going. Required fields are marked *. Its like, a whole bodega is set upin there. You have no idea. Flatten it out. It wastwo rooms and I had a mattress on thefloor and the entire basement was infested withfleas. Nearly a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres was still very much in the closet when her sitcom Ellen went on air. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? I had a successful sitcom. I say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar? Directors Joel Gallen Starring Ellen DeGeneres Genres Comedy, Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Subtitles English [CC] Audio languages English That was somebodys idea. 05:07. Curl up and read a good book or you know, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. We shouldve saved a fortune on that. [crowd claps] Unless youre lost in the woods and you see a path. One, two a day. Ellen: I know! Ill tell you that. Ill bring a gown in case theres a captain from a boat that I have to have dinner with. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway? Yeah, I cant, When Im in traffic, heres the thing. The best shoe for you to wear is a cowboyboot. No ones gonna watch a lesbian duringthe day.. Deathly allergic. Throughout the years, Ellen . That was a mistake, too. They insist on memorizing your order. And I thought I'd see you before the show started. We all have our things that we do, that kind of doesnt make sense. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. This is ridiculous. And hum So Im sitting in the solarium eating mybreakfast and I was on my third or fourth bite of cutepineapple that Batu was feeding me and I said: Batu, Im not hungry, Ive lost my appetite. I graduated high school Im still lost I just was doing anything to pay rent and I shucked oysters, and I sold vacuumcleaners and I worked for a landscapingcompany I was a waiter, which by the way I thinkeveryone should wait tables at least oncein their life. This is my homework for my online Spanish. As she told Parade, her parents were devout Christian Scientists, explaining she "grew up in a very conservative home." Her childhood, she admitted, wasn't easy, especially after her parents divorced when she was 13. In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. If you wanna see how happy I am, if youll zoom in on my fist there. Ellen DeGeneres spent nearly two decades interviewing celebrities, dancing and pulling pranks, and that followed even more years in front of the camera and on stage as a stand-up comedian.. Ellen Degeneres: (05:38) I dont know, you know. Theres not a lot of option at most restaurants. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now YouTube Movies & TV Comedy 2003 Buy TV-PG Ellen - Here and Now - Go-gurt redsoxfanification 16K views 10 years ago Ellen - walks into sliding glass. I mean, the fact that he has that, you know, title of sliced bread. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Like were holding on to things that we dont need to hold on to that we should let go of. Oh my God, I have so much anxiety. She said she held my head. Top-rated television show host and New Orleans native Ellen DeGeneres was the keynote speaker at Tulane University's 2009 Commencement. Thats I do have an injury thats kind of a problem for working out now. Theres no reason to change them really when they dont get dirty. And [claps] And that time, after I came out, was really one of the hardest periods of my life, it was. Its like your childhood, through your adulthood, you wear those things. Maam. And anyway. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now: Directed by Joel Gallen. What did we do before the ladder? "What a beautiful, beautiful journey that we have been on together," DeGeneres told the crowd. She opens the show with an obligatory . I love that expression. [crowd laughs] Gold toilets. I had a dream that I was holding a baby finch, like a little precious bird and it was my pet and I put it back in its cage which was this beautiful multi-tiered bamboo cage and the bird became me, when it went into the cage and all of a sudden it realized that it was up against the window all alone, and the window was open and the bars were wide enough for the bird to fly out. We have the song like: Oh my God, thats my song. And if were at a club and that song comes on you wanna dance but you will not dance until you hit the designated dance floor. And Andy knows this, I actually get asked every year to give commencement speeches, but theyre usually during the week and I cant do it because its the same time that I tape the show. She was ashamed. So I have a step ladder, but I love it just the same, I do. But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. My friend has really upset me by what hesaid. And he said: Well then, I shall draw you a bathmaam. And I said: You dont have to announceit all the time. [background song in the video] And then I sent her this. I had no idea I was in a cage. Can you do it without? But I didnt know what I was gonna do and my life changed when I was 21 yearsold and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident And I passed the accident., it had just happened. Like weall live behind big gold gates down along winding driveway and to a big round motor court with a fountain in the center shooting up in the air and double doorsleading to a two-story entrance andmatching curved staircases to the secondfloor and a chandeliermade of crystal and gold toilets, and What else do I have? Its usually a Prius, isnt it? to me. Trees have leaves. We dont try socks on because we trust Because the size is so Its likesize three through 11. They just put the room in the air. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. Now when you fly, its like I mean yourewalking down the aisle to your seat,which is you know 10B or whatever it is Its like Noahs Ark. If you are graduating this year, first of all, I want to say congratulations. Its like, now, theres anything you couldpossibly want in the bathroom. May is usually the beginning of graduation season. Is he here? I mean, it should be like best thing since fire, or the wheel, or the ladder. Ellen Degeneres: (03:42) Ellen DeGeneres has officially danced down the aisles for the last time. Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff anymore, you know. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. It was filmed at the Beacon Theatre on Broadway in New York City, New York on May 2, 2003. Create a better, more engaging experience for every student. I love to drive and I like to drive fast and Im safe, but I do like to go fast and so slow drivers irritate me, because theyre goingso slow and lets be honest. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. I dont know who started that. I dont deserve it, give it to thelady there. We do We have a tendency to stereotype people. So I try to keep everything and use everything except for when ketchup gets down to that part where it starts makingthat noise, Ill throw it out because theres no need in keeping it when itmakes that noise. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up He was 40. Yeah. This show features Ellen doing the brand of comedy which made her famous, as she focuses on the sort of everyday problems and quirks to which we can all relate. Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right? DeGeneres has hosted the Academy Awards, Grammy Awards, and the Primetime Emmys. I think we both hit our heads. Yeah, but I got one in the hand so -But theres two in the bush. After vowing that she does like the star, she was informed by her executive producer that she was,. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. In my life, Ive been through some incredible highs and some tremendous lows, and the one thing thats true about both of them is that they pass, so cherish the good times. I was, you know My hair was different. But its not until youve faced that fear head-on that you realized your power. Im pretty sure that, you know -Doctor, sometimes I worry -Ive heardenough. When were on an island, they dont know we dont wear white linen all the time. Thats good good advice. listening. -It is? I dont know if some person, a customer in the restaurant. Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. Why do you say the hand? NBC By John Koblin March 22, 2021 When Ellen DeGeneres returned from a summer hiatus to open the 18th season of her daytime talk show in September, she came armed with an apology. I split my knee open and my bone wasexposed. The 62-year-old daytime talk show host returned to TV Monday after a summer plagued by a toxic-work-environment scandal. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. And you can seethey have rhythm. Before I make a decision I wanna see how this is. Back that ass up In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, DeGeneres said she had planned to end the show after season. 02:52 PM - 12 May . On Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres confirmed that she'll end her eponymous talk show after next season. Youre worried that someones gonna know and so, it is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that. Ellen Degeneres: (07:53) [crowd laughs] [claps] If I have to do that, thats good. No, thank you. Theres a squirrel. -Thank you. And I should know. I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis; you . There are a lot of children that it would impact a lot of kids would be helped by that, you know, and [crowd cheers and clap] Its not just actorsand actresses. like theyre impressing us in some way. Was there a problem with the meal, everything OK? In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. tWitch: (06:46) Thats what Ive noticed. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the longest distance between two points is the ladies room at a WNBA game. Im the be-kind girl. I have 15 on right now. But it was the best part of my journey. Ellen Lee DeGeneres (born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. Now, she's addressing them directly about her decision to end . And when I married Portia, she had a little ladder. Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . I just danced as a joke. Ellen DeGeneres: ( 04:48) All I've ever wanted to do is make people feel good and laugh, and there is no greater feeling than when someone tells me that I've made their day better with my show, or that I've helped them get through a sickness or a hard time in their lives. You know what? Theres a AA battery. Were always like Thats what you look like. View history Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is a stand-up comedy routine that was shown on HBO. Alright, so you would like someone to goin with you? Its when I learned that the truth will always win. I love being vegan. I went to a gas station to put gas in my car And theres a group of teenageboys across the way and theyre like really cool. With Ellen DeGeneres. You might not but you might. And then at the end it says: Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right for you. Its like: I dont even know whats wrongwith them. Got birds and Im runnin, yeah, bout a hundred, yeah For fiveminutes it was really celebrated and then everyone changed their minds. In 2008, she married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi. Take a left at the gift shop, and that is the front door. I think people have a tendency We look atsomebody and we decide we know all aboutthem. That is lovely energy. I dont know I am still gay by the way. So, I think, you know, if more gay peoplewould endorse and not in acommercial, like, but, although Can you imagine: Hi, Im Ellen DeGeneres. And so I had to move out of the place we were living cause I couldnt afford to live there anymore. I have a good job. Thats good. [ Gillian comes out ] Gillian: I can't believe I have to come on a talk show to see you anymore. Gillian: And it didn't happen. Ill put mine on real quick. Listen to the MP3 Audio here: Ellen DeGeneres' 2009 Commencement Speech at Tulane University TRANSCRIPT: Scott Cowen - 14th President, Tulane University Does she still have the cats? We need smart people. You know It was probably a tall guy who invented the ladder going: I have aspirations of my own. I like my job. Thank you for taking a chance on me. Anyway, it turns out that its May, in case you lost track out there. And I said: Yes, why? And he said: Well, do you think youre still relatable? And [crowd laughs] I said: Yes, I do think Im still relatable. Ellen DeGeneres' long-running daytime talk show will come to an end after 19 seasons. I went through sort of a bad girl phase, Iwas on Aspirin. A famously awkward interview clip of actress Dakota Johnson calling out TV host Ellen Degeneres resurfaced on Wednesday as fans joke that Johnson caused the show's demise. So its been 15 years since Ive donestand-up and when I decided to do thisspecial a friend of mine was at my house and I told him: Im going to do stand upagain. And he said: Really? And I said: Yeah. Im gonna give you something for that. I know how important that is. He did. I That could be right for you. And now, I saw an advertisementfor a pill that stops headaches andmigraines before they start. Jesus broke bread. It was the only graduation ceremony really. -No, not at all. Ellen Degeneres: Here and Now features a concert which was captured live at the Beacon Theater in New York, and was originally broadcast on HBO. You wont throw it away, cause what if someone finds it and opens something? Thank you. Translated on-screen subtitles for videos. Andy Lassner: (00:50) But I would say, follow your dream First of all, I thought you did a great job, but follow your dreams. I dont read at home, but Im gonna read there, Ill have a lot of time. Going out with a bang: 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' final guests include Michelle Obama. If you look up: Birds that dance to music. Youll see,there are so many of them. ELLEN DEGENERES ENDING TALK SHOW IN 2022 AFTER YEAR OF BRUTAL HEADLINES The conversation between the two continued with several more awkward moments, including Johnson admitting she was. Discover why Rev is the #1 speech-to-text service in the world. Its like Little holes everywhere, you think: Whos gonnato see it? You commonly see cement on sidewalks. No cant have the chicken. Thats Theres hair in it already and you just Now, its like, its grown. I dont know, I just dont I put it in there. They are on the beat and Iwas like: Oh my God, thats crazy. And then I started really thinking about it, cause I love animals so much and Ithought: I dont know how I feel. Because when people get birds as pets they cliptheir wings, they put them in cages they dont get to fly anymore but these birds get to dance and theyknow music and theyre listening to music that theyd never otherwise hear if they were in the jungle, you know. [crowd laughs] [claps], I dont have that many childhood memories. And this side of the table?
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