We have a beautiful home and are dog and cat owners. I decided I deserve to be treated with love and respect. I stay with him but he doesnt make any effort in helping in the house financially and his not willing to look for a job. There is a lot more to it that Im frustrated about, and recently Ive become I guess depressed about everything in general and find myself thinking about how it used to be and what I miss the most and to be honest all that ends up happening is me ending up crying, falling asleep and it starts all over again. Dee, well said and youre 100 percent correct! So if it really werent for zoey (our dog) I wouldnt have gone on that second date with him (because I just cant say no to seeing puppies). he straight up ignored and didnt read them.) Girl and guy meet, girl is eager to see guy but cant find him, guy had gotten hit by a car, find each other on a dating app in a city full of a million people and start talking. Please help? Same thing happened another day and another. I couldnt take the iPad with me if i snuck out but i did tell him to meet me at my gate at midnight. Girl, you need to ditch him. Im sorry. So any advice for me would be great! Again Im the only one putting in effort. From what you said, he seriously dont appreciate you. And even now he knows that there are small things he has done to make me feel loved and special (eg my name on his ig bio without me asking) and Ive made it so so clear that these small things make so so happy, but I just noticed that he removed my name from his bio yesterday and it breaks my heart because thats the one thing he has done that reminded me he loves me.. its so stupid because its such a small thing but at this point I have been so starved of love that I dont have anything else. Right now I want to clear things out and make this the last time we talk about this, because in the last month I told him many times that I felt like he made no time for me and was making more effort to spend time with his friends than with me, and he doesnt even answers my texts. His family are complicated, we rushed into our relationship, live together almost 5 years. Especially if you have a SON!! I met his mom for the first time when his parents stopped by, we took his dog paddle boarding. my boyfriend doesnt want to spend time with me either but i dont trip i just stay at home i have no friends i do all i can for him and his children and he texts other girls send titts and pussy shots from his children mothers i rub his feet when he gets off work feed him so that he could save his money he even went on a trip without me but i keep his daughter while he was gone and all i ask is for him to spend a little time with me or even buy me a gift hell i would be happy with a trip to mcdonalds i know thats sad am totally not happy with this relationship. If you havent recognized it yet, you are in an abusive relationship. They tell each other they make each other better people. But he want to intimate with me. Were both in college and when we started dating we were together all the time, we went out together with friends, we watched movies, etc. Hes always been so affectionate towards me, always wanted us to be happy so we got together. And because Ive been depressed lately makes it that Im not much to look at, so why would he want to take me out now. Such as examples of what he did made you feel a certain way and what was the real reason he did that? My boyfriend is a foreigner and a Muslim while I am a Catholic Christian. HI CHRIS, MY BOYFRIEND ALSO DRINKS A LOT. Rather, letting go is about loosening unhealthy attachments in current and past relationships. Because you are a happy individual yourself, he would feel lucky to share his life with you. Ive always looked for someone else to fill that void for me. Dont tell him, because he might try to manipulate you. Just because you have no family, dont let that make him think that he is the one whos there for you and hence, he can decide to love you when he wants to. Text messages are very slow to respond, I dont text him ten times a day either. He however is a very intelligent, high functioning person with autism. And then he apologize to me and said he just feel pitty of me. The same month, I started my PhD program but I still made the time to see him. its been 10 days now and he havent ask me out, during these 10 days when he says i miss you or i say i miss, he would ask me to meet at his place for couple of hours (again at the spare of the moment). Just my opinion. And thats is the absolute best you can do. We havent been intimate in almost 2 years and when I asked him he says hes not turned on ? All I think of him is selfish & inconsiderate of everyones feelings but his own. Which really confuses me. If you really love him and see potential in the relationship then give it a try. He had had so much time to think about and plan for any of the above and a week before our anniversary had started lamenting how the holidays are too close together and it is hard to think of any good gifts, so he did nothing. He used to do all these romantic things for me before we went long distance. Its comforting knowing others face the same issues. I have been doing some self-evaluation to determine the role I played in the relationship. Its insane. He knows im going to have sex with him if he initiates it because im 36 years old and NEVER EVER EVER have sex. Except for the kissing part and in my case i see him even less (once a month) but in my case he lost several family members since Ive known him so i know hes dealing with that. We decided to move in together shortly after COVID began so I worked things out with my work and moved to his state. I know that feeling. Communication is not good. Maybe if you dont hear from him send him a positive text that you are thinking of him but let him come to you. He was blowing me off each and every time. Maybe not right now but sooner than 5 years from now, of that I am certain. But do you guys think its worth it? But for about two of those months, weve been in a long distance relationship due to him being relocated for work and weve only really seen each other about two or three times irl. I would then open a honest discussion about how we both feel when I return. ? ? Like WTF is your goal, here, exactly? It can make you feel insecure like theres something wrong with you. The only time hes gotten me flowers was when I left him one time. Now we seem so disconnected. I love my boyfriend, but just cant get the feeling that he feels the same. Writing can help you discover if youre expecting too much, or if your boyfriend stopped making an effort because your relationship doesnt mean much to him. I have 2 dogs who give me so much love and fulfillment. He never comes to see me, I always have to go to him. I feel it has been one sided in many ways and all he has given me is monetary odds and ends to compensate for the lack of emotional effort on his part. He should be making an effort to see u, call u , and text you throughout the day. When I ask whats wrong my boyfriend bites my head off, shouts at me, tells me Im just trying to cause trouble when Im totally calm and just asking a question. And what does he say when I say that, he says what plan? The middle of this relationship scale is a 5: youve been dating for a year or more, and you know each other fairly well. Has financial debt, related to college expenses. If you always cook dinner, take a night off. This is my first affair and his 2nd. He said he was going to do it. It sounds to me like hes not into you. Its amazing how identical to yours he is. Ive even used different approaches, including positive reinforcement. He may not be the person for you. My boyfriend and I started a relationship 3 months ago. We could barely recover from the last blowout and a month or two later boom! so I do have to take that into account, and when his parents go away for the summer its wayyyy easier to spend more time with him, he becomes so laid back. Ask yourself what could be causing your boyfriend to pull away from you. I bought him a journal for prompting thoughts of positivity and gratitude, He acted appreciative and was OK to do the morning and evening prompts. He knows more about me than I do apparently. I know love makes me blind, could anyone tell me what I have been missing in this relationship please? My boyfriend and I started with a lot of stress in our relationship. Should I just never expect to be treated the way he used to treat me? Surprising me with letters, giving me flowers and just little things like opening the door for me. He said its okay I dont judge you and Im sure no one does and if they do they can go fuck themselves! I did confront him regarding that and he said he still feels the same.But his recent actions have been bugging me and I cant help but feel like hes ignoring me on purpose,like hes tired of me. Nothing cleaned up, ingredients still on the counter, and not one thing made for me to eat.. and even better, after letting me in the door, not a how was work. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months also and at the beginning he put in so much effort above and beyond and now its like he is a different person. He snaps at me more now that we live together and anytime I try to bring up my sensitive feelings they are dismissed as drama he cant handle. Should I stay? I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and weve known each other for 10 years. he would nvr go out of his way to do anything for me now and it makes me wonder why because what am i lacking? A Relationship Expert Explains, How to Recognize Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Your Spouse, Chemistry Between People Depends on These 7 Traits, Signs and Causes of Emotional Neglect in a Marriage and How to Cope, 8 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner, 16 Signs of Falling in Love That Mean It's Real, How to Stop Being Needy in a Relationship, How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, 10 Signs of an Emotionally-Abusive Relationship, How to Ask for a Father's Permission to Marry His Daughter. i simply dont understand this. You wish your boyfriend was as attentive and loving as he was at the beginning of your relationship. What do I do? Hes sees things in one paranoid way only, that Im selfish and dont really love him and just like the things he can give me. 1. If, for example, your boyfriend is dealing with work stress, emotional health issues or family problems then you can might want to give him some time and space. I dont know if he is afraid of fall in love, but he repeatedly went to silent non responsive, when I ask why, he always says he just been busy. Then make him work for you! Thank you for being here, and for being so honest about your relationship difficulties! Does your boyfriend still care? Even if I am not complaining he immediately jumps down my throat that something I am pointing out is a complaint. I asked him if he could pick me up some tea from the shop as I was unwell. Just torn and dont know what to do. Overuse of the phone, computer, social media, and video gamesalong with an unwillingness to unplug even after being askedis a big departure from the early "getting to know you" phase of your relationship when all conversations seemed interesting and all concentration was focused on your time together. We used to work on projects together, go for walks, and he barely even grooms now. First I asked him if we could level up our relationship through meeting his and my family. Several, if not most of my friends live together with their partner and it is something I wish to do too. It helped me calm down. But you have to become selfless. Maybe he doesnt want to look like a fool. You wouldnt be HERE if you thought your gut was wrong. Actually they havnt shared any sexual pictures or that was not very sexual conversation. Then quarantine hit. Get emotionally and spiritually healthy. Its confusing because he takes care of me by buying me food and we hangout all the time but theres 0 affection. You are going to find happiness. Also He text slow and we converse only when we have some argument. If youre not happy then leave him, its that simple. He texts me that his out with his friends and hes drunk. I decided to pull back and just sit and watch. See why its so important for you to know your boyfriend and know yourself before deciding what to do when he doesnt make an effort? He always makes his schedules according to his friends schedules and if I wanna spend any time with him I have to change my schedules. I do not want to give up on relationship, But seems to be STAGNANT right now. Ignoring a man based on false projections often has drastic results. Oh my God this is so me. 8 Signs Youre Falling Out of Love With Your Partner, How People Who Commit Adultery Justify Cheating, According to an Expert, What to Do If Someone Is Flirting With Your Partner, What Is Breadcrumbing? Im so upset. He says he feels out of touch with his emotions, and he doesnt know how to think or handle them. Honestly this lockdown really changed my relationship! , hopefully each day, I will start to become stronger, and maybe me and him could continue with our friendship as time passes. I understand where you are at with this.. https://www.bonobology.com/husband-does-not-give-me-attention i yearn for good morning texts or check ins throughout the day. He is mechanical and can fix many things. Just stay silent. The key is to not give them the key to our happiness. Again, thank you Sumiah and to the other ladies in this blog who support each other. This quarantine also suddenly ruined my relationship. Its completely up to me to provide the conversation and topics, which is rather stressful for me 2 years in. He used to come over to my place so often no matter what day what time. But things went roughed to both of us.. But he say he is not in happy After this all, at some point he started to chnge himself. Thats the one thing that i really expect. okay so how i try to avoid causing a scene over tht is i would comeover to his place, thts the only place he would be fine because if i ask him to meet me at my area or anywhr else he wouldnt want to. It doesnt have to be a big, heavy relationship talk! Ive been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. P.S. He went out and bought 48 roses he surprised me with though out the day for Valentines day and took me out for a really nice dinner- he even planned having sexy time (which got postponed finishing). Dont ever think you are alone btw! They had another baby but as the saying goes you shouldnt have a baby to fix things so they split up. A healthy relationship should brighten your day, not wondering where you stand. it was only casual dinning places (only three times), other than that, we went out only for coffee. I dont know if anyone has experienced this before? I feel like my boyfriend of 5 years doesnt really care anymore. I found the place, set up the lease. He commented on Tues night wed do it the next night so I was completely excited and ready to go at then finally at bedtime he laid there with his eyes closed and when I put the moves on him he told me its time for sleep, that we are just cuddling. No updates or goodnight/ goodmorning texts.The thing is, I get worried easily.I didnt wanna bother him cause I knew he could get pretty busy with chores at home and his fam is kinda strict on exposure to electrical gadgets so he doesnt want to be on his phone much when hes with them. You want him to be different. Its too much. It is just hurtful to know that he could not even think of doing this one thing for me. Is like he is taking his frustration with having no control at work out on me. I am like at the I dont know what to do stage right now my boyfriend is not even home because I told him to just leave we got together super fast and since the beginning I noticed that he wasnt affectionate at all but I thought he might be shy but as time passed he still is non affectionate at all! But in the last month, I have noticed that I am always initiating meeting with him, and he would suggest in the very same day or at the spare of the moment for me to pass by his place and we end up spending 2 hours or so with each other having sex and then I leave because one of us has a commitment. No dates, no presents, no initiating anything or trying to make me feel special. I want to tell him that having me over for take out and to spend the night is not enough. I discussed all these issues with him 2 days before. I guess i just want everything i had before and i want to feel the efforts made as they were before. These are no games. Maybe I just need to not be so dependent and work on myself. It sucks not feeling secure but really if its meant to be it will be. i feel lonely in my relationship because it is very one sided. He bought her a Mothers Day card. Its Valentines Day and this is the only holiday or day in general I care about. Its always laying on the couch watching TV. Clearly I am not a priority and I deserve better so I think it is time to move on. I dont feel that he supports me in my decisions on things. We were together for three years. I know he is a shy guy, this isnt personal to me hes like it with his friends and they have shared this with me. Try not to get upset, irritated, or emotional. :'(. Perhaps he thinks guys dont need to make an effort in relationships, and girlfriends should do all the work. He does spend time with us and financially he is very supportive which Im great full for. My boyfriend has told me that multiple times and yet we are in the same place months later. When we are together he is so sweet and wonderful. I met other guys got into relationships but didnt work. I have been with my bf for 5 years. If you want to know how to keep an Aries man chasing you and texting you back, ask him a practical question. im in the same boat as you and it really sucks. He doesnt have any plans in those days and still he can not make an effort to spend that day with me, meanwhile I have 2 birthday parties and was ready to ditch them to spend time with him. Texting in his way showed me just how little hed been giving me and Id been accepting it. All I can suggest is continue to be very clear with your communication. Its been almost 2 yrs with him and I hot him gifts ( handmade thoughtful gift and a tshirt) he hot me nothing for my bday. I asked him to spend Memorial Day with me shocker he forgot and made other plans. Do not sound attacking or desperate. Then we started to fight about it a lot because I always felt like I wasnt a priority and was only worth his time when he wasnt with friends or he was horny. I used to blame myself but I took DBT and have actually tried employing the skills I learned. But whatever. I dont want to settle or compromise my own feelings anymore..And you shouldnt either. I think I should do alot of listening when we get back to talk again. He Is Bored. Im 47, and he is 57 now, and we have been together for 10 years now and have lived together for 8 years. I trust him and I wanna keep trusting him. Girl what? Soon realizing i wasnt going to come back to where i met him i tried to break it off. I didnt see him so I thought maybe he didnt want to show up. Never any action. It was over a year ago that I asked my boyfriend if he would take me out on a date, but it never happen. I feel like I could spend my life with him if it were not for one issue that has always popped up. He wont text me all day till I text him. I sometimes wonder if my daughter was dating someone like him, if Id tell her to ditch him. I was dipping into my bucket to bring him up but I wasnt getting anything in return. In fact, because you are so young, they will most likely find you when you least expect it. Go out more often, meet new people, make friends, get involved with charity organisations or simply start a class for something you always wanted to do; try a new hairstyle, go shopping, take yourself on dates, go to a beach or a lake and enjoy the sunset (yes alone! He would become distant and i would feel left alone and hurt by it. Nothing. He asked if I wanted help learning and I said a big yes. So, I believe I know him very well. LOL. Or maybe your boyfriend is dealing with an ex-wife and custody issues, and just doesnt have the time or energy to make an effort in your relationship. Insulting me, asking me if I wrote in my little journal for today that my goal is to stop asking him for stuff?? Something went down and he doesnt want to confess. [1] The key to solving any problem is understanding the underlying cause. Any advice please? However, somewhere after the 4-5 month mark, he got another job and started working two jobs. 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